I was a bad girl yesterday. The worst thing is that I chose to go to Lensecrafters for my eye exam instead of my normal place because I don’t have vision insurance and their exams were cheaper. Of course, Lensecrafters is in the mall.

I stopped in Macy’s just to see if they had anything new. Sometimes I like to try things on and not buy them. But then I fell in love with a pair of designer jeans and all went to shit from there.

Granted, I just found out I saved an extra $10k last year (I saved half my income for taxes, but I’m only going to end up owing part of that) so I wanted to reward myself. I found these jeans and a really nice top from Velvet Brand that I was in love with. $300 right there. But last year I made the decision that if I was going to splurge on something, it has to be something I’ll wear for years to come. I know how I work. I used to buy lots of things on sale that I didn’t really like, and wear them once or twice. I’d have a lot of clothes and nothing to wear. As an adult, I’m tired of that syndrome.

So I do spend a lot on my clothes. I probably shouldn’t. I don’t really need more clothes. But I got a little fatter and my clothes aren’t fitting as well as I’d like them to. And it’s spring/summer and I like buying things because it makes me feel secure. (The truth comes out.)

When I went to make my 2-item purchase the sales lady was SO ANNOYING and pressured me into signing up for a Macy’s account. I didn’t want to, but she wouldn’t shut up so finally I agreed so I could leave. (This was the same lady who spent about 7 minutes complaining about the color name’s on clothes when she was helping the customer before me in a longish line.) So I signed up for a Macy’s account. This way I could avoid all salespeople asking me to sign up in the future. And that would be a good thing.

The second I sign up she says “you get 15% off any purchase today and tomorrow. Go to the cosmetics counter first!” — like I was going to buy more clothes because I got a whopping 15% off. But… then I thought about things I wanted to buy. Like a new pair of shoes. For spring. Sandals. Something cute. To go with my new designer jeans. My closed-toe winter Nine West heels weren’t quite working for me. And they are getting kind of grungey. So I went to the shoe department. And spent another $100 on shoes. Damage thus far: $400 + 15% back when the bill comes. Whoppie.

At that point I knew I had to leave the store before I spent all the money I saved last year. I made one final stop at Express, where I had planned to pick up a slew of tank tops (which are way cheaper than anything I’d buy at Macy’s) that were on sale. I ended up buying about 10 shirts. But – hear me out – 6 of them were “bra tanks” which I need – I realize I more often wear camisoles with sweater jackets than anything else. Then there were some other cute tank tops on sale (buy one get one 50% off) and – being as they were all SO MUCH CHEAPER than what I had previously bought at Macy’s I couldn’t help myself.

I’m starting to think I should rename my blog “Confessions of a Shopaholic.”

Shopping gives me great pleasure. I don’t take lavish vacations. I left my studio apartment to live with two other girls and my rent is $600 a month (not bad for northern cali.) So I feel like I deserve some of this shopping pleasure. I work at a place I can dress casual everyday, so I feel a little more justified spending money on my nicer scrubs (aka designer jeans) — it’s not like I can only wear them on weekends.

That said, I’m making a grande effort today to get rid of shit. Yes, all of those clothes I bought on sale years ago that I have trouble giving away… even though I never wear them. It’s kind of like a stock loss though, it’s only a paper loss until it’s gone. I could one day wear them again and fall in love with the garments. But, no, that won’t happen. So they’re going to charity. For real.

Before you all start hating on my $600 clothing splurge, remember I did save $10k last year. And… so I am a shopaholic, but I also am a save-a-holic. I’m just trying to balance the two out. Meanwhile, the cost of grad school or buying a house seems to be SO BIG that I can’t image ever paying for either. Clothes, even $200 designer jeans, are so much more obtainable. I should know. They’re in my closet.