Today, my $130-an-hour therapist followed up on her promise to change up our routine and introduce some art therapy into my weekly session. While I was hesitant of the concept at first (isn’t that a lot to pay to make art in front of someone) I agreed to give it a try. It’s been a while since I’ve been creative so figured it would be fun at the very least.
The assignment was quite broad — make a collage that somehow shows what you like about yourself. It was a self esteem project. Something that I could look at to remind me that there are things that aren’t so bad about – me. Well, it took a turn for the… aspirational. I only used the magazines she brought, which were a mix of national geographics and a few random women’s magazines, so that explains the multitude of volcanos and ants. However, I think the end result really speaks to this giant gaping void between where I am today and where I need to be. I know I’m in the wrong career. I’m not certain I’d be absolutely giddy as a professional designer but I’m sure if I could pick up some skills I’d be better at it than many of the people who call themselves designers today plus I’d be much happier doing it on a regular basis than my current job.
Ugh, what am I going to do? I’ve seriously dug myself into a hole this time. Grad school seems like a relatively safe way out, but at best that’s still 1.5 years away. That’s not so bad if I can hold down this job and earn both my pay and bonus – if I actually stop buying every last appliance on Amazon.com I might be able to save up for school. I even have a 529 plan I started for myself with about $4k saved up — that’s enough for many my textbooks for a masters, but it’s something.
All I know is I can’t do this for much longer. I don’t mean to be overly dramatic but I am just not a fit for the career I’m in. My personality doesn’t jive with it. My natural talents are in aesthetics, not relationships.
