Life is good right now, so why can’t I let myself enjoy it? I have a new job, a new apartment with my not-so-new boyfriend, I’m moving up in the world, I’m excited about all the opportunities on the table, and yet I can’t just pause to relax and enjoy the present. I can’t take a week to just stop and reset. Instead, I feel like I have to close a thousand loose ends at my old company. At some point I guess I just need to walk away. But that’s hard for me. I know any projects I leave unfinished will remain that way. I like completion.
So how do I stop being so damn anxious all the time and just learn to enjoy life? It goes by fast and I’m watching it blur before my eyes. I want to take two weeks to go on a road trip and not have to worry about work or think about work projects, but unfortunately that won’t be possible as I start my new job pretty much right away. I don’t know when the next time I’ll have any real time off between projects will be. Probably when (if) I have a kid, and that certainly won’t be time to hit the road and drive to anywhere. This is it. This is really my 30s. This is feeling all the opportunity in the world as a pressure pushing down on me, trapping me, yet allowing me to fly.
Health issues seem to be nothing concerning — my MRI came back normal (phew) and the EEG results are still TBD, but probably also nothing. It’s all likely some bad anxiety causing weird physical symptoms. Yes, I’m a weirdo. We all knew that. Curious if the EEG will identify anything strange. I felt some sort of reaction in my head to the strobe light test but
I was probably imagining it. I also failed at falling asleep during the part of the test when I’m supposed to sleep (they give you 10 minutes to fall asleep and people are walking by talking loudly in the hallway. Uhhhh….)
Anyway. My job ends tomorrow, but my boss asked me to do a small thing for him on Saturday. Well, really he posed this thing as a favor to me which – it is an opportunity to network with someone who I should know – but also is really still work for my company which I will have officially left. I’ve asked for an extension of my email account as I want to finish some projects. To be fair, I did probably procrastinate a bit this quarter as I was super anxious and depressed, so I owe it to my company to wrap up what I committed to. Or do I? Not everyone would care about finishing projects when they are leaving. I just don’t want to leave on a sour note.