Get Excited. Come On. Shut Up Fear. I Got This.

So here we are. The end of week one of hopefully many weeks of my new role. My head is exploding with ideas for all the things I can do and, if you’ve been following my spew of anxiety-ridden nonsense this week, you get that I’m also exploding with fear, dread, and a general sense of doom. I want it to go away. I want to just get excited. This is an incredible opportunity. And people are counting me. Maybe I won’t be perfect. So what. I have to remind myself that no one is perfect, especially not at this stage. I just have to produce. The last thing I need right now is to get caught up in the details.

It doesn’t help that my head is pounding with this ongoing headache, possibly caused by this new medicine I’m taking that is supposed to get rid of the headaches. Or that I’ve got a month-long move ahead of me. Or that so many of the key relationships with people who should respond to me after reaching out to them instead are ignoring me because I’ve managed to botch my interactions with most people at a senior-level position. Or that I’m so damn ADHD that I can’t keep my ideas quiet for a second when I am sitting in a room listening to a presentation that is just, well, not very good, as I have no patience.

I’m hoping one day that my oddities will be described as some sort of asset. There will be some Forbes profile on how I’m the absent-minded professor type of product genius — “she was never good with people and while no one really hated her she couldn’t manage to keep a team together, but her ideas were ahead of the curve. Eventually people realized her ideas were so brilliant that they followed her, and let her lead, and as she lead and created great products, they trusted her, and more followed, and then she became a great leader, and everyone who doubted her before wondered why…”

I feel like that’s the only potential path I have to some sort of success that makes sense. How I get there, I have no clue.

 

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