The sun goes down as fast at it came up, and the hours between disappear as I spend every waking minute attempting to keep up with work. I am a bit of a workaholic, so I don’t mind it so much, but lately it feels like there is no end in sight for being just buried in so much to do. While there are many tasks of my job that I over perform in, it still comes down to the other elements where I’m behind, or end up submitting substandard work because I’m rushing, taking no breaks, and not sleeping enough.
It’s already March, which amazes me, and I don’t remember the last time I felt like I could go outside for a walk without feeling guilty about not getting work done. That’s really taking a toll on my health as well. I’ve gained about 20lbs in the last year. I’ve given up on going to the doctor. A conference I’m attending soon goes through the weekend, so I’ve requested two days “off” in place of losing my weekend — which I’ve been granted — but I can’t imagine not working those days. If I don’t work, I just fall further and further behind.
That is, of course, one of the realities of working at a startup. Everyone puts their heart and soul into the work in hopes of a successful exit at some point. If things go well, the years of not seeing the sun might be worth it. Still, this just isn’t healthy, and it doesn’t help my productivity, so I need to somehow focus on catching up, getting ahead of things, and staying ahead. I wonder if that’s possible.
There are some things I can improve on, outside of work, that will help. Making sure my room is clean, getting rid of many of the clothes I don’t wear, keeping everything simple. Then, forcing myself to go for 30 minute walks per day. I was doing such a good job at that last year and I was even starting to lose weight, and then I got busy and put on even more weight. The final, and most important piece to the puzzle, is not signing on for more work than I can actually do. I haven’t figured out how to do that. It’s not that I have too many projects that I commit to, really, it’s just that so many other projects pop up along the way, and suddenly three months have gone by and my to-do list is a mile long. I know I’ve accomplished a lot… but not a lot of what I’ve accomplished is on the original to-do list.
It’s almost as if I know I can’t get everything done that is going to be thrown my way, so I might as well try to have a life outside of work, do the best I can, and if that’s not good enough, I’ll have to find something else. It’s not that I’m worried about finding another job — I’m confident in my experience and abilities at this point, and think I could find another position fairly quickly. It’s just that I really like my job and my company, I just get so frustrated when my life becomes this long run-on sentence and I forget how to live life.
Perhaps that’s just adult life, though.