I didn’t sleep last night, even though I had planned with my life coach that I was going to sleep at 10pm and wake up early to exercise and have a productive, regimented day.
Instead I stayed up, played some online poker, sang, read news, got quite a bit of work done that I’ve put off to the last minute, and felt an overwhelming sensation of nervous energy keeping me awake. I must be in a hypomanic state now — as my mood is entirely different than it was months ago when I was most certainly depressed. Now I’m not exactly happy, but I have more confidence, which is helping me get through the days. My anxieties mixed with the confidence sometimes have ill side effects (ie irritability and sadness, though not depression) and generally speaking leave me frustrated. I guess when I’m hypomanic I feel like perfection is possible, and when things don’t work out I get upset. When I’m depressed, I feel like perfection — or anything close to it — is impossible, and I just want to disappear. Neither side of the swing is any good for me, really, but at least on this end I can be productive and somewhat social.
In any case, thank goodness it’s Friday. I need the weekend to get some sleep and screw my head back on straight.