On Depression, Money, and Other Things

I wonder what it’s like to be at a job where I am successfully in charge of projects, and feel like I’m maintaining quality over years of work in one location. At the moment, I’m falling, faltering, and getting to the point of no return. It seems it’s time to move on, but where do I move on to? My job is so specific, I don’t even know how to put what I’ve done for it on a compelling resume. Lately, I haven’t been doing enough. I’m not sure what to do. I want to do a good job, I want to help the company, and I feel like I am helping the company, but I just have a hard time showing how I’m helping the company to my boss and the rest of my superiors. It’s easy for the engineers and designers to show how they benefit the company, or even those in charge of business aspects, but I’m not really in charge of anything. Which limits what I can do to help. Not that I could help.

So I’m thinking of switching it up and changing careers yet again. But to what? What is it that I’m good at? And not only what am I good at, but what can I do day in and out and not get bored of?

I love feeling passionate about what I do. But sometimes too much passion drains me. I need a happy medium. I really enjoyed freelancing because I could do a project for a while and then move on to the next. I didn’t enjoy the instability or additional tax taken from contract work. Or not being able to get health insurance.

I really feel lost right now. Like I’ve come a long way and yet I’m all ready to go back to where I started. I don’t want that. But what do I do? I read job ad after job ad and I don’t have the qualifications for any of the jobs I’d be interested in. I don’t know how to get them (outside of academic requirements.) I just feel stuck. And worse than stuck, I feel I will become unstuck and fall backwards.

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One thought on “On Depression, Money, and Other Things”

  1. I had a period in my life when I had similar doubts.I felt that something was very wrong with my life, but I didn't really know what. So I spent hours considering big changes like moving, taking a leave of absence at school, taking a job… just to find out that the desicions I had made were the best in my situation and nothing was worth changing. Then I got diagnosed with the big D. Do I need to say more?*Maybe* you're going through something similar? Maybe it's all fine but the big D won't you let see it? (Of course, these are just maybes, you know best.)

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