Tag Archives: friendship

friendships

Find New Friends at 30: Like Dating, Only More Awkward

She glanced at me with a (possibly fake, get-out-of-my-car) smile in the dim light as I got out of her car and said goodbye. “Maybe call me some time if you see something you want to do and want someone to do it with,” I said, realizing how sad and pathetic that made me sound as I slammed the door shut and she sped away. The next day I stared at my phone and thought about the conversations we had about our families and lives. Was she waiting for me to text? Does she think I don’t like her? … do I?

This is not notes from a first date. Well, that’s to say, not a romantic date. I met her on a new friend making app that is similar to Tinder except for women only. The app sucks because I’ve ended up “swiping right” on just about everyone in order to get any sort of response. She responded and lives in the same town, so we discussed meeting up. We finally did.┬áDinner was tasty and the conversation was enjoyable – though at this point in my life it gets a bit tiring to tell someone my life story from the start (and to decide which parts to leave in and which to leave out.) I’m sure she felt the same, detailing her relationship with her mother and father and siblings. Continue reading

Social Lack of Graces

The one part of my life that I constantly think needs a boost falls is my social life. Yet I’ve failed time and again to develop friendships. Maybe that’s just because I generally don’t get along with women and prefer the companionship of men. Being friends with men is difficult because you must first get past any desire that either of you have for each other, even if it is in the back of your mind. Also, in terms of meeting a friend who is of the opposite sex, I can’t imagine how this happens, unless you are both in a relationship.

Take, for example, what happened to me last night. I was at a networking event and, as usual, spent most of the time wandering around trying to look busy and feeling awkwardly shy. At the very end of the night a guy came up to me and said hi. He must have been in his 20s or early 30s. We started to talk, first about our professional lives, then a bit about our personal lives in terms of where we’ve been and what we want to do in life. As far as conversation goes, we hit it off. Then, at the end of the conversation, about 15 minutes later, he asked me for drinks. I blurted out “I have a boyfriend!” “But” “I’m always open for new friends.”

That may have killed the opportunity for friendship because that came out so weird, or maybe he wasn’t interested in friendship anyway so it wasn’t my game to lose. Or maybe we could be friends still and my response was appropriate. Or perhaps I should have said “sure let’s do drinks” and to clarify later that I’m only looking for friendship. I don’t know.

Any time I go out, whether that be to a karaoke night, or even the gym, I freak out when guys talk to me. I freak out because now that I’ve finally gained enough confidence to realize that with breasts and a butt there is a reason for some guys to like me, that all guys want to date me, or at least take me to bed. Why else would they talk to some random girl? And that certainly hinders making friends with any of them.

Women are a whole other ballgame. And it’s tough for me to find female friends who can, well, shoot the shit, the same way I like to. I’ve got a fairly manly mind when it comes to some things, and it’s easier to be myself w/ guys. Or at least with geeky guys, not frat head muscle boys.

What I’d Pay for Friends

I often fantasize about having a group of friends who I can go out and enjoy life with. Then I think about how much that group of friends would cost me, and I unthink that fantasy. Having a social life is expensive… at least dating my boyfriend is cheap, we barely ever go out. But friends… friends go to movies, go to clubs, go shopping, go to coffee, spend money…

It’s really bothering me that I can’t make friends around here. At least I’ve yet to figure out how to meet people who share my interests. I’d honestly love to find friends who like talking about investing and money… without looking down on me for now having a background in economics. But that’s tough to find amongst people my age. The type of friends I like are people who just love good conversation. And people who know how to be silly and laugh too. Do they exist?

My roommates are fun, but I can’t imagine having a lengthy conversation with them about investing strategies, or whether cash truly is king. So I write this blog, because I know out there in the PF blogosphere there are other people interested in this stuff. But where are they? Why can’t they be my friends in real life?

Or maybe I just don’t know how to be a friend. How does one find friends anyway..? In college it was a little easier. I was always shy, but at some point I got drunk and made some people laugh and they became my friends. Well, these days I don’t have any social contact outside of work and my performance stuff in the evenings.

Should I stop being so concerned about having a social life? I just feel like my life is so so great right now except I have no solid group of friends. And that depresses me. Quite a bit.