Category Archives: Career

what goes on in everyone else’s mind?

I love talking to people. I hate conferences. I’m a marketing director. I’m an introvert. It’s the oxymoron of my life. I’m currently traveling for a work event, and went to an evening mixer at this conference, with an open bar. I’ve had three drinks; after two and a half I was able to talk to people, but probably clearly seemed a little tipsy. Without that I hide in a corner. I hate my social anxiety and introversion. I feel like my insecurity, my social anxiety issues, and my lack of any sort of confidence in myself leads me to this downward professional spiral.

Yet who know what people see from the outside. I feel like I’m a huge mess. I feel like, I believe, I don’t deserve success. I try to fight that. I want to believe in myself. But I see myself as a huge joke. I’m not good enough, I think. I’m not smart enough. I’m not ___________ enough.

It’s sickening how lost I am in this business world.  I don’t belong here, but I am here, incredibly awkward, trying my best to generate interest for my company, to talk to people, to drive leads, and I don’t know how to relate to people. Small talk? What to talk about? I am only interested in talking business or about the deep psychology of humankind. Not appropriate subjects for business conversation. I wish I could work a room, to come off smart, not slutty or drunk. I don’t know how to relate to people. Maybe it would be easier if I was a man, but I’m not. I’m a  27=year-old woman and now I’m young and soon I’ll be old, and I’ll always be female, and that seems to make everything all the more challenging.

The Next Steve Jobs? Most Definitely Not a Woman.

The other day I read an article in the Mercury News titled “Who will be Silicon Valley’s next Steve Jobs?” This photo sums up the article:

That reflects the industry I work in. Thinking back on my past jobs, everyone in the C-suite were men. White men. My first startup was founded by four white men. My last job was at a large, international public company, where all of the C-level executives were male. My startup now — of 32 employees, four are female. For a long time I was the only woman. We’re adding on our executive team, and not surprisingly, the employees brought on for the high-level positions are all men. Is it just that there aren’t enough women working in tech, or is it something more than that? Even at my last company (the large international technology company) there were many female mid-level managers, but they were all stuck in middle management.

And even if women are few and far between in Silicon Valley, isn’t there one that deserves to be in the running as the next Steve Jobs? How about Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook? Heck, it was only a few months ago when the same man who wrote the “who will replace Steve Jobs” article wrote an entire piece on the Top 10 Women of Silicon Valley — I guess he forgot about them when capturing the key execs to highlight in this piece (oh, wait, Sandberg is mentioned down below as one of the reason’s Mark Zuckerberg is so brilliant — for hiring her.)

Watching the leaders of companies I’ve worked for — especially the ones that I think are really GOOD leaders — I see that these leaders can come off (like Steve Jobs) as assholes at times. It’s not that they are assholes outside of the business world, it’s just that they don’t care about much other than what is best for their business. And if someone isn’t going to contribute to that, then they are worthless to that leader. But — the leader will also go out of his way to motivate and reward people who are actually contributing to making the business run well and succeed. I don’t think I have the asshole in me. At least, if I let her out, she’d come out at all the wrong times, and it wouldn’t help anyone or any business. It’s rare to find a woman who is able to stand up for herself and her ideas that much, especially in an industry that’s primarily men. Women are taught to compromise. I think there’s truth to that as one of the reasons so few of us rise to leadership positions in technology or in any industry (though it’s worse in tech and other male-dominated industries.)

Everyday I switch back and forth between dreams of being a truly innovative person in Silicon Valley — who happens to be a woman — and having absolutely no confidence in getting anywhere near accomplishing that feat. It’s frustrating because I feel like a many times as I’ve failed thus far, I’m still on a trajectory that could lead towards success. I’m turning 28 in a few months and I’m already at a Director level role within a fast-growing startup, I have a book deal on the table (though that’s far from a sure thing right now), and I’ve become fairly known across a few key industries in technology (I could do a better job at promoting myself, but for what I’ve done, I’m always surprised how many people have heard of me.) Still, going from where I am today to VP level or C-level, just, well, it seems impossible. I certainly don’t represent all women, but if the picture above signifies reality, I also feel I fit in that picture — as in, not in the picture at all.



When You’re Not a Natural at Meshing Well with People

There are days I sit at my desk at work, looking at my colleagues, my daily acquaintances, and wonder how many of them see me as the girl who sat alone during recess, never quite understanding how to fit in. I imagine it’s pretty obvious — I’m far from a natural at people skills — and struggle with this every single day.

It’s not an introvert vs. extrovert issue, though that plays a role. It’s not even about my social anxiety, per say, because I feel comfortable around people I work with – generally speaking – and still, I’m at a loss for how to keep up with the pace of normal socialization. Who knows what disorder I actually have — I only know that some things are overwhelmingly challenging to me that come natural to others.

For example – management. I received one hell of a very deserved critique session today for my handling of managing the summer interns. While a large part of the issue was my lack of time management skills (hello ADD), another huge portion was clearly my lack of people skills. One thing that my boss does so well is know how to reward his employees. This isn’t with monetary prizes usually, instead, it’s with recognition. Everyone at the company respects him. He works hard, he is willing to get his hands dirty, and he seems to know exactly when to step in and push for something and when to step out and let the team work their magic. He seems to have been born with the gift of knowing exactly what to say at exactly the right time to make everyone do exactly what they should.

Which no doubt frustrates him about me — I don’t seem to react to feedback the way a normal person would — though I carefully listen and try my best to improve. And by try my best, I mean my unmedicated best, because I really want to be able to do this on my own without adderall or an anti-depressant.

What hurts the most is knowing I’ve sunk down in the totem pole of respect. The only thing that motivates me – for better or worse – is having someone who I hold in high regard think of me in almost equally high regard. The moment I lose that respect, the moment I start to crumble. And I ALWAYS lose that respect due to my people skills. Words slip from my mouth when I ought to stay quiet. And then, when it’s the perfect time to say something, I freeze. So I revert to being the jokester, after all, I’ve figured out a way to get most people to at least find me amusing through self deprecation and letting myself and my ideas get pushed around like the wind. Because deep down I rarely think my ideas and contributions are any good. Because deep down I feel like a complete failure day in and day out, and no therapist or drug can get me out of that one.

Looking at my colleagues now, I see all the kids on the playground. The popular kids, the nerds, the jocks — all working together, all grown up. They all talk to me now. The nerds are either shy and say hi when I say hi to them, or they have some form of Aspergers and are glad to talk to me. The popular kids talk, but only to make small talk, and it always feels somehow politically oriented, even though there is likely no such motivation prompting the conversation. Am I still the weirdo? That’s my part in this story, or at least it was for the first 15 or so years of my life. (No wonder I was depressed.)

I know I don’t have to be the girl on the playground who everyone made fun of — I don’t have to let fear and insecurity rule my life. But it still does, and it is reflected in my many reviews with my boss where he is clearly disappointed. I leave them thinking I’ll do better next time — I’m going to prove that I can do better — and somehow my ability to remain consistent, even with the most positive intentions, just dwindles.

There are many, many things I love about my job, and I don’t want to lose it. I’ve learned how to hide my issues with people for longer and longer each new job I have, but once they’ve surfaced, can I ever change someone’s mind about me? I feel like I need to get a whole new wardrobe, focus on straight ironing my hair in the morning, dressing like a person who is put together, and then somehow acting the part, to show I’ve changed — but I have absolutely no idea how to maintain that for longer than a few days. I want to be different and I want to be perfect.

The reality is it’s best to be “normal” and allow for imperfection so things can get done. Or, maybe I’m just not that smart, not quick enough, and ought to find a career and industry that doesn’t put me up against some of the brightest minds in the world. But that, right there, is what drives me to begin with. That’s what actually makes me — happy. So how could I ever give this up? I just wish I could change.

I Need a Makeover. Stat.

Before you judge me and my piles of clothes on the floor and my “nothing to wear” conundrum, hear this — my wardrobe says more “college student who hasn’t slept” than “marketing director.” Every day, I wake up, look in my closet, and on my floor, and find there’s few items that reflect my position, and the rest of my life’s aesthetics aren’t supporting the cause (case in point, my busted car with Styrofoam instead of half a bumper.)

There have been times over the past few years when I went through this “makeover” shopping splurge, which usually lead to buying too much overpriced, dry clean only clothes at Banana Republic that don’t even look good on me and end up getting wrecked a few times after I wear them. The purchases I’ve made at Express, despite being more suited for “just out of college” than my professional status, at least last me. But that leaves me with a closet of “Editor” stretch pants in black and a few short sleeve, button down shirts in various cheap materials that still look young and unpolished. Hey, at least they’re machine washable.

But what’s a girl to do? When the interns dress better than you do, it’s a reality check. As more and more employees of the female species join our company, I’m quickly becoming the worst dressed. And I don’t want to be on that list. But I also don’t want to spend a fortune on outfits that will inevitably make it into the share pile quicker than you can say “how on earth did I gain five pounds?”

My closet, however, is just not cutting it. I’m tempted to do the Banana and/or Anne Klein splurge — find some clothes that manage to be trendy and hip enough for the startup culture, but formal enough to put me at the head of the figurative class. It’s a tough splurge to swallow, since I’m determine to LOOSE those five pounds, plus another 30, in the coming months.

Beyond clothes, i’m questioning my hair style (it’s now long, layered, but hard to manage) and just tinted with a “glaze” — somehow expensive highlights make people seem more put together and worth more. Marketing is 10% product and 90% sales. Sales is polish. And on that spectrum I’m always leaning towards scruff. Clean, but lacking in the shine that can take a girl places.

Tonight, I’m tempted to toss all my old clothes for good, and start from near scratch. But what will that cost me? Seems like such a waste of money, as I’m getting on with my Express clothes just fine, and the Banana clothes I do own are sitting in my dry clean only bag collecting dust.

How often do you buy new work clothes and where do you shop?

Overwhelmed at Work: For Better or Worse

My job isn’t nearly as high stress as a career as an emergency room surgeon, but it has its ongoing stress nonetheless. The stress comes from carving a path that is not clear, and the responsibility that comes with both carving it on your own, while also the pressure of not trying anything too far out in left field, as there isn’t enough time to waste on something that doesn’t work. And you can still mess up quite a bit, even while keeping your work fairly ordinary.

I love the challenge that comes with my current job. I truly have the opportunity to make a huge difference in my company. I also have the opportunity to really hurt my company (not on purpose, of course, but if I just can’t meet my commitments for whatever reason.)

My confusion is when I am fairly overwhelmed and when I’m not organized/focused enough to get things done as they should be. It’s hard to say because I know I do have a tendency to procrastinate, but I’m still working 60+ hours a week, barely sleeping, staying up all night to get projects done. So I might not be the most productive at the office straight through the day, but I’m still putting in quite a lot of hours into this job. I can’t imagine – even if I could manage to retain focus from 8am to 7pm – that I’d be much more productive. I might sleep more, but my output would likely be around the same. Continue reading

The Currency of Time: Life’s Most Precious Commodity

Lately I’ve been trying to compute the currency of time.

Not every second holds the same value as the next. And value is relative — sleep seconds, for instance, are highly valuable cohesively, yet alone they are nights of insomnia dosed with fissures of awareness. The same goes for time to spend with family, friends, or even yourself, outside of your daily work hours. What is the value of that time? High, surely, but how high? What if you spend four years of your life dedicated to work, almost every minute of your life, to build a successful company, so the rest of your life requires less stress over earning and the ability to appreciate time more — making time more valuable.

At this very moment, I’m sitting on a plane (in first class again – yeay, elite status upgrades) and — after two bloody marys — am quite introspective. God, I only had one and a half bloody marys — they make these very strong in first class! Regardless, I’m once again pondering time as currency, because time itself is the most limited commodity, therefore it’s the most valuable. I also owe you all a post, since I’ve been incredibly busy with — work (and rewarding work at that) — and haven’t had time to write. Or haven’t known what to write about. But now, sweet readers, I impart my thoughts on the most valuable currency of all, the limited moments we have here on this earth between birth and death that are quickly flying by as we sit at our desks, stressing over something that in the grand scheme of things, as far as the meaning, or lack of meaning, of life itself, is not that important, beyond purchasing for more “time” with an investment in today’s time value.

My job doesn’t need to require all nighters, but I do my best work at night, and need to be at the office during the day to handle the thousands of little things that come up — an interview to schedule, a event to coordinate, a new graphic to manage the design process for, and so on. I’m completely overwhelmed by my role and terrified I’ll be replaced. There’s the alcohol truth serum speaking up. I like drinking, occasionally, on flights, because it gives me time to think, straight or crooked I’m not sure, but at the very least, I feel calm, and can process simpler important matters without worrying about the bigger picture.

But back to the point of this point — what is the value of time, and does it make sense to trade in time now for time later? As the company that acquired my former company announces its IPO, I realize that, although I’ll never see a dollar of that success, wealth is within reach. Wealth, not as in becoming a billionaire, but as in earning $1M before I turn 32. Granted, this isn’t a requirement by any means, but it’s more of a possibility now than ever. There are days I believe — despite my ardent atheism — that there must be some great screenwriter above writing my life story. It’s too funny how things work out, or don’t work out, but if you keep pushing, keep going, eventually something works out.

Two bloody marys and a red wine into this 1 hr flight before I have a stopover and get on my next flight, I’m, admittedly, extremely intoxicated. Not to the point of feeling sick, but to the point I love, occasionally, on extremely rare occasions, by myself, when the rest of the world just disappears, where I’m in my mind, in a place where I can examine what matters and what doesn’t.

Red wine, done.

I don’t want to be a billionaire. I’d like to have a million dollars at 30 or 32. To invest most of it and live a simple life. To pay rent off my boyfriend’s salary. To have a family — three kids — we’ve already named them, go figure — and to love them more than anything. I want to paint, to write, to do all the things I have absolutely no time for right now. I want to kick ass in my current role and be a leader in helping this company be extraordinarily succcessful. On one hand, that sounds ridiculous. On the other hand, it’s possible.

It’s so possible it really seems like it’s scripted. I invested $20k into my stock options because, quite frankly, I’ve been blessed (in a non religious sense) with a CEO/boss who is brilliant, who I trust, who knows how to build an extremely valuable company. I don’t know what my place is in that company, as I think I’ll be replaced, or “superior-ized” as a VP is brought in to manage me once it really matters — but I really want to prove I can do that. I can kick ass. I can help our entire company be successful. I love that. For the first time in my life, I believe I have the opportunity to make a difference in the company. If we’re ever to be worth billions of dollars, I’m going to own up to the fact that there’s a good change I’ll have something to do with it. Incredible. That job of mine is not being done well now. I need time to focus. Time to read and learn as much as possible. That time is not available. That time is spent worrying, and then working through the night. I love the night. I wish I had the day to read books about marketing and analytics and the night to work. But I can’t have that — I just need to be amazing at what I do have. The opportunity is there. I don’t want to fuck this up.

Which brings me back to — time. I am more than willing to give all of my time to work now, so I can live the life I want later. I don’t know what that life is — maybe it’s painting, having a family, starting my own business, volunteering — whatever it is — I know money is the only answer to that end goal. It isn’t the answer for everyone. I don’t want to be a billionaire. I don’t want a big house. I want time. How much does time cost? Maybe more than a big house. But that’s what I want. How can I get it? How can I help my company succeed? That is all I want right now.

My $20,000 Bet: The Biggest Risk I’ll Ever Take

Given that my largest one-time purchase ever has been on my $7,000 car, it was difficult for me to write a check today for $15,000 to “early exercise” the majority of my mostly pre-vested stock options. Perhaps I should have sought out more advice before doing this, but I feel like my life has a way of working out and this was a smart risk to make.

Worst case scenerio — I find out that over the long run, this risk has cost me $15,000 plus whatever interest I would have made investing that money elsewhere. Best case, I could become a millionaire, or even a billionaire. Most likely outcome is somewhere closer to the first option, but why not take the risk now when I’m young and can handle the set back.

The whole equity situation at startups is so tricky. You really can only get the best value out of your options if you’re able to exercise early, at the strike price, before the stock value is raised in a later funding round. But early is also when it’s not very clear how the company will do over the long run. It’s exactly like buying a lottery ticket, except maybe you know that the winning lottery ticket was sold within one specific town. You have some insider information that within this “town” someone is going to win big. Everyone else, still, is going to lose. But if you were able to pinpoint the town, or even the exact street the store is on, would you buy a ticket?

That’s what I’ve done. I wrote out my check, stared at it for a few minutes before handing it off to my boss to exercise most of my stock options. I believe that of all the companies I may work for in my life and have in this past, this is the one to bet on. The team is great, the product, while early, is solid and something that companies are willing to buy and spend quite a bit of money on. I’ve been involved in many aspects of the business, enough to know the market and believe we have a shot at really building something special.

My last startup — where I never bought the stock — never had a business model. There, it seemed silly to buy the stock. And even they managed to get acquired for a small sum. No one besides the founders got rich off of it, but at least anyone who exercised their options got their money back plus a little pocket change.

Still, as I drive around in my busted car with no air conditioning, I can’t help but think… should I have taken that $15k and spent it on a nicer car vs. exercising my stock options that a few years from now could very well be worth nothing. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. My dream is to have a million dollars by the time I’m 30, and given I’m half way to 28, this is really the only possible way.

10 Reasons Why a Theatre BFA is a Smart Move

For all the reasons why “getting a liberal arts degree” is a “waste of money” (I’ve heard them all), here are 10 reasons why getting a bachelors in theatre arts is actually a smart thing to do, in terms of your career.

1. Improvisation Skills are Golden in your Professional Life
When it comes down to it, everything in life is sales — regardless of your job. First, you have to sell yourself to get the job. Then, you have to sell your ideas to move up in your career. Improv teaches you to never say “no” in a situation, and instead to say “yes, and…” and think on your feet. It’s a hugely important skill in all aspects of business.

2. Direct Actors and You Can Manage Anything
Actors tend to be among the most difficult people to work with — with egos, I’ve found, only comparable to top-level execs. By managing actors (as a director, or even assistant), you learn how to placate their egos while still getting what you want. If you can accomplish this, you’ve learned 80% of skills needed to be a good manager.

3. You’ll Learn How to Budget Wisely
Unless you’re producing Spiderman on Broadway (and even then) you’ll have a limited budget to work with, all while having to create or source costumes, set pieces, lighting and more. By working with a tight budget for a project, you’ll learn how to prioritize where to put the money, and explain why you are making these choices.

4. There’s Never Enough Time, and That’s OK
Theatre people know that from the first read through of a script to opening night is never enough time. There are always freak outs during “hell week” (the week before opening) yet somehow every time things fall together and the show opens. By going through this process a couple of times, you learn to trust how things fall together as long as you have a team that’s committed to getting something done, regardless of your time or resources.

5. You are Your Brand, Write Your Professional Character
More than ever, your professional trajectory is largely tied to your personal brand. What is that brand? It’s a combination of a few things — your schooling and resume, but also the story you present to the world through social networks and events. As a theatre major, you’ll learn plenty about character development, and how to build believable identities as a playwright and/or actor.

6. You’ll Feel at Home in Front of a Crowd
Business leaders are often skilled presenters. They have charisma (or know how to fake it) and can transfix an audience with their presence. As a theater major, you’ll have lots of time to hone your “on stage” skills, so you’ll be ready for any career that requires you to make presentations.

7. A Theater Degree is More Practical than Most Liberal Arts Degrees
The argument against liberal arts degrees is that they’re not practical. If you major in English, you may read a lot, research and write papers, but chances are you won’t be working in a collaborative environment on larger projects (unless you seek out those opportunities.) Theater is inherently a project-based degree, and a collaborative one at that. You will be forced to work with other people to build something. That gives you a lot to talk about at job interviews, even if you haven’t had a lot of other professional experiences.

8. Theatre Teaches You How to Become an Expert at Everything
When preparing for a role, directing a play, writing a play, or researching for design, you’re fast learning a lot about subjects you’ve often never heard of before. This forces you to become a quick study — perhaps a Jack of All Trades, Master of None — but you’re certainly able to pick up enough information on any topic quickly enough instead of worrying about being a super-expert before discussing a topic.

9.  Don’t Underestimate the Value of Creativity
Theatre majors are required to be creative on a daily basis. In the modern business world, thinking outside the box is often a necessity to solve the challenges that are present in many industries today. While strict academics may struggle to brainstorm and come up with a lot of options for how to attack a given situation, a theatre major is likely able to use their experience of thinking on their feet to offer new insights that others could not.

10. You Can Always “Fall Back on Broadway”
For many theatre majors, a career in theatre – or a related field such as the entertainment industry – is not just a fantasy. Many of the people I went to school with are successfully working on stage and off in the industry. Making a living as an actor IS really tough, but there are plenty of jobs in design, stage management, production, and the business side of theatre. In reality a theatre degree is a lot more of a business degree than most liberal arts majors.


Should I Exercise My Right to Stock Option Exercising

Working in startups, your pay is always split somehow between salary and “stock options.” If you don’t know what that means — basically an option gives you the option to purchase a share of stock at a low “strike price” of the company. If the company does well, the price of the stock goes up, and if it does really well the nitty gritty details that can make the purchasing of the said stock through the option become less painful to think about. Trouble is, most companies, even good companies, aren’t Facebook or even LinkedIn. So exercising options early could mean to big losses down the line.

There are some tax reasons to exercise options early. From my understanding, if you have ISOs (which I do), you can buy the stock options up front, before they’re vested, and wait a year to sell them at capital gains tax rates. That is, if in a year, or after a year, they’re worth more than they were when you bought them. And that only really makes sense if your company goes public — the odds of a startup going public are very, very small. More likely, even if your successful,  you get acquired. And as I experienced at my last startup — an acquisition, even when the founders do well, might not result in a great turnout for the rest of the employees.

So most of my instincts are telling me it would be silly to exercise the options now. Why not wait? Well, my company is likely raising additional funding soon, which means the value of the option will go up. While I’ll still be able to buy the option for the lower strike price, I’ll have to pay tax on the difference between the strike price and the value when I buy the option, which could be quite a lot, especially given that I’d be PAYING for the option and owe money on it. And there’s still a decent chance that eventually it will be worth $0.

Now, I could exercise a portion of my options – take a little risk, and wait on the rest – but it’s not clear this makes sense either. There is a whole issue with AMT that I don’t understand (anyone want to explain this to me?) that you can avoid if you exercise early, so says the Internets. I’m not sure at what point you hit the AMT issue in terms of your yearly gross income.

Besides all of that, the reality is that I don’t really have the $20k I’d need to purchase all of my stock options right now. Well, I do have it — I have $130k in random investment accounts — but I don’t know if it makes sense to pull my funds from any of them to exercise my options. It’s a huge risk. It might be better from a tax perspective if, in a year or a few years we get acquired, but who knows if that will happen. I do believe in this company (which is rare) so that says a lot. Still, I’m relatively risk-adverse when it comes to money. Hmm. What do you think I should do?

Interviewing Mr. and Ms. Ivy League

It’s a little ironic that just one year ago I was staring at an Algebra textbook, attempting to (re?)master polynomials in order to ace my planned upcoming GMAT, and then that dream was replaced with a respectable, exciting role at a startup. That’s not the ironic piece, though. At the time, my quantitative skills that had escaped my mind sometime back in high school were not coming back to me all that easily… and my dreams of a Stanford GSB MBA or Berkeley Haas MBA were admittedly laughable.

It hurt knowing that I’d never be a competitive enough candidate to get into those programs — though the reason I wanted to go to the programs (to offer myself more flexibility and open doors in my career) was still not clearly worth the $200k price tag of an MBA, even from a school that would give me the golden resume pedigree my undergrad couldn’t offer.

Fast forward a year, and I’m literally in charge of hiring MBA students from these top tier schools for their summer internships. Yes, the same woman who would be an unlikely candidate for a seat at the student mock boardroom is sitting behind the interview desk, reviewing resumes of people who are often just about my age and much more “impressive” than I ever will be. And by “impressive,” I mean their resumes all blur together with impressiveness.

Often these candidates are whip smart, so there is truth behind the value in hiring them, but that’s not always the case. Not everyone who is able to “shape themselves” into the person that can get into a top MBA program is the same person who can think outside the box and solve problems that are far from textbook.

Regardless, my biggest bit of perplexity in this whole process, came yesterday when reviewing the very impressive resume of one of these applicants from one of these top tier programs with an extremely solid employment history, albeit outside of tech. I immediately went to email this person to invite them for an interview, based on the email on their resume, and a few minutes later it bounced.

I thought perhaps I had spelled something wrong — surely an MBA student from an Ivy League school would know better than to spell his own email address wrong on his resume. But lo and behold, a typo. His school name was spelled incorrectly. Ultimately, this guy will surely go on to great things, but I can’t understand how someone can spend $200k on an MBA, get a 780 on the GMAT, and not spell check his email address on his resume. Thank goodness the “impressives” aren’t perfect. Otherwise I’d never stand a fighting chance.