Today I have officially entered the second trimester. I’m fortunate that my first trimester was actually not that bad–no major morning sickness outside of mild nausea if I didn’t eat anything in the morning. The side effect of NOT having morning sickness is that I did gain weight — too much weight — during the first 13 weeks of this pregnancy. I had plateaued for a while at 11 lbs gain and then shot up to a total of 16! Yikes.
Outside of my rapid weight gain, though, what I’m really concerned about is this 6 weeks maternity leave situation. The more I think about it, the more upset I feel that my work does not allow me to use any vacation time (since we have “unlimited vacation” they do not have to approve any and it’s not possible to accrue PTO) so I have no choice other than to head back to work at 6 weeks post birth or quit. Since I have no plans of quitting (and it would be rather devastating financially for many reasons) I’ll be headed back to work fairly soon after I meet my first child.
At least my husband has agreed to continue his WFH job for next year and stay home with baby (with help of his father) so we don’t have to put the kid in daycare at six weeks. Right now, I think I’m going to try to stay in my job at the least until January and, likely, until I have my second child (target date ~2020.)
So far I haven’t purchased any baby stuff… though I’ve been to the baby stores and have examined strollers and cribs and car seats and high chairs, oh my. I spent $350 on maternity clothes today after getting a $50 pair of used jeans off of poshmark that don’t fit at all and are a mile too long — it seems my idea of buying used maternity clothes vs going to the store and trying things to on to make sure they fit was a bad one. So, I purchased 4 comfy dresses, 2 work pants, 2 pairs of jeans, a comfy cardigan, a pair of black leggings, a long-sleeve t-shirt, a nursing shirt on sale to stock away, and a t-shirt that says “Due in August” – because, why not?
Now all I really need is a few more shirts (because you can’t wear normal shirts with maternity pants — you need long shirts to cover their pouches!) and some new bras ($$$) because who knows what size I am but it’s definitely bigger than what I’m attempting to still wear. I figure another $200 should cover shirts and a few bras, and then I can stop wasting $ on maternity clothes I will be wearing for 3 months. Hopefully I get pregnant again in a few years and this stuff is all still usable. I still feel ridiculous spending hundreds of dollars on maternity clothes — but honestly I feel like shit right now (the fattest I’ve ever been) and buying a few new items that look decent on me (and cover my giant arms) is worth it at this point.
In two weeks I head out to Florida to surprise my parents and let them know they’re going to be grandparents. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled–but one the thrilled-ness wears off, they’ll be filled with a heaping dose of make-me-feel-like-shit criticism, likely centered around my weight gain and decision to remain in my one bedroom apartment with the newborn. As far as the weight gain comments go, I’m trying to minimize this by having clothes that are slimming and don’t highlight just how overweight I am right now. I’m sure I’ll still get some comments on my weight, but I’d like to avoid them as much as possible. Unfortunately, in Florida, I may have to wear a bathing suit (no where to hide) to appease my mother’s obsession with being in a pool year round. I’ll just get a wrap and jump in.
I know my life is about to change for good. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle all of this — I still don’t feel settled into my job (let’s be honest, I’ve never felt settled into a job) and I am terrified of how my unstable career will impact my ability to be a good mother and provide for my child. I know I have a lot compared to many other mothers, but I still feel so behind at life. I’m hoping in the next five years things will smooth over a bit. Maybe they never will.