In terms of sharing the news that I lost my job, so far I’ve only told a few close friends, and of course all my anonymous readers here (whoever you are, hi.) This morning I’m glad I had a dentist appointment scheduled at 8am so I got out bright and early, got my teeth cleaned, then walked a few miles home while stopping for a quick bite to eat. I also – and probably shouldn’t have – treated myself to a manicure, pedicure – mostly because my nail were a hot mess and I needed to get the gel polish professionally removed. I spent $80 on my nails, which was probably a terrible idea unemployed, but if I’m going on job interviews (and I am) having good looking nails is important. That’s my justification for my bad decision.
The colors I chose for my nails are bright and happy. I have a beautiful fuchsia on my fingernails and an orange pink with glitter on my toes. I know you’re all not interested in what color my nails are but my point is that things like the color of my nails can significantly impact my mood – and right now I need all the help I can get to keep myself from falling into a depression like last time I was unemployed.
I wish I could call up my parents and talk to them about what happened, but instead of support they would judge me and make me feel worse about losing my job. Never mind that I’ve amassed over $270k in savings in my 20s or that I’ve managed to succeed in previous roles while dealing with bipolar and ADHD and anxiety problems… all that would matter to them is right now I failed and I wouldn’t hear the end of it. So I’m avoiding telling them anything until I’ve secured a new job and can just say that I decided to leave my last position and have X weeks off until I start my new gig.
Speaking of parents, I know that in the worst case scenario they would be there for me. So I can take just about any risk and while they would scold me for taking such a risk I would never go hungry or homeless as long as they’re around. Sometimes I take that for granted. My good friend lost both of her parents sadly and she was telling me about how she really wanted to go into design but she wasn’t going to take the risk of leaving her stable project management job because she has no parents to fall back on if needed. That got me thinking about how lucky I am (which I already knew) specifically to have parents who would not let me starve.
With that I feel like I really should take a risk now. Yes, grad school is expensive and I’ll either have to take out massive loans or dip deeply into my savings, but if it’s going to enable me to switch careers to do something I like a lot more then why not take the risk? I don’t know. I’m still scared. And I still don’t ever want to rely on my parents at all because I know all the guilt trip that comes with and I just couldn’t handle that, but I feel confident if I had a master’s degree in design I could get at least an entry-level job and build up my experience in the area to get paid well again one day. It really isn’t THAT much of a risk. I just won’t hit a million as quickly as I wanted to, but I’m kind of tired with chasing after money anyway. I can sure spend it easily but I also can live a pretty simple life and enjoy it just as much.
So right now it’s Monday at 12:30pm and I’m helping my sister write a paper for her internship. In a little bit I’m going to go float around in my pool and read a book, because I never read books and I want to try to write a novel in this period of unemployment. I want to learn math (go through textbooks from Algebra I to Calculus) and write a novel and float around in my pool a lot and exercise and take the GRE and get another job.
My ultimate goal is to start a new gig on Nov 1 with permission to work away from the office for thanksgiving week. This will enable me to apply to graduate programs, maybe write a novel (even if it’s shitty I just want to do it), and spend time with my family on the east coast at the same time saving travel costs to go back and forth for all my bridesmaid activities. That might work out perfectly. However if some of these jobs I’m interviewing now for come through I’ll have to start sooner. I figure at this point even if I get an offer I can tell them I’m giving 2 weeks notice then want 2 weeks off so I can secure an Oct 1 start date. Nov 1 is going to be harder if any of these current opps work out. I guess Oct 1 is ok. That still gives me plenty of time to relax and study for the GRE / write / draw / see my family on the east coast without going absolutely batty. So we’ll see. I really hope something works out eventually though. Right now I feel optimistic but that could change over a long period of unemployment.