My life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. It’s been on the up lately, which, is really good. But every so often I slip into a down, and it’s tough to keep myself on that much-needed upward trend.
When I’m most successful, I always make mistakes. Now, I guess in some respect mistakes are natural. No one is perfect. But I’m talking about stupid mistakes. I can solve the hardest problem and mess up the easy stuff. Maybe it’s my ADD. Maybe I’ll just never be good with the details.
And that is what depresses me so much. I can work my ass off, I can really, really care, and still, in the end, it probably looks like I’ve been lazy or didn’t care at all. Which is extremely frustrating.
When there is all this news about job losses around the world, and esp. in the US, I feel so fortunate to have my job, yet at the same time totally terrified about losing it, or worse, having my bosses be bitter for employing me when I’m causing more trouble than I’m worth.
I don’t mean for this to be a bitch fest, but truth be told I’m feeling depressed right now and I can’t kick the feeling. I’m happier than I’ve ever been thus far in my life and I’m still stuck in a wee bit of self hatred. How can I get over it? How can I stop making mistakes? That really is the only thing that will allow me to stay happy. Ugh.