Trying to Figure This All Out

My husband wants me to focus on the present. He’s right. I need to stop working about the future. I need to stop spinning on the same concerns and focus on now. Maybe then I’d find happiness or at least contentment. And I’d get things done.

I’ve been having panic attacks lately about the cost of life and my inability to maintain my career. We want to have children soon – I’m turning 33 in a month – yet I feel so horribly unprepared. Yes, I have $400k in the bank when most people who have kids are still in debt, but that just doesn’t feel like enough. What I need is a job that I can see myself in 30 years from now while also being able to be the mother I want to be. I don’t see that in my current job. I have no idea what I can do that makes enough money to support the life I want. Continue reading

The Cost of Teen Depression: Affording Mental Illness

Mental Illness, like any other chronic condition, is expensive to treat. Over the years I’ve spent who knows how much on therapy and help, not even counting lost wages due to being let go from jobs over my depression and anxiety getting the best of me. For the first time, I find myself in the situation advising a family member whose daughter is struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. High School is tough. I want her to survive it.

I don’t want to go into too many details on the rare chance that someone finds my blog who knows my family and who this is. But, I wanted to write this post because I think it’s an important topic, and helping depressed teens get the appropriate treatment is sometimes cost prohibitive. Whether or not she will actually go through with her plans to kill herself is a moot point, she’s very depressed and is in a dark place. Due to writing a letter to a school counselor she ended up in a 72 hour hold and then her parents opted to send her to a residential program for teens with mental illness – but that only lasts 10 days and then they have to figure out – what’s next? Continue reading

Should I Buy a Condo?

Most jobs in my industry are an hour north of where I live (more than that in traffic) and I’m growing weary from the commute. We’re paying $2500 a month in rent currently for our 800 square foot one bedroom and I’m starting to think renting is no longer cost effective for us. Granted, we won’t be able to afford a 1 bedroom quite a nice as the one we are renting – BUT – we could buy a 1 bedroom condo closer to the city and then at least we’d lock in our monthly rates so we can actually afford to stay here.

My crazy thought is buying a 1 bedroom 1 ba condo. I wouldn’t have considered this before, but it’s the only way we can own property for <$600k. My goal would be to get the monthly mortgage under $2000 so with standard $500 HOA, we’d be paying the same (or even less next year) than what we are paying to rent. Continue reading

Putting My Fertility on Ice – Seriously Considering Egg Freezing

When I was 15, my gynecologist told me to get pregnant by the time I’m 30 and not to worry about my irregular cycles. I later found out these irregular cycles were caused by PCOS. I went through my life to date thinking I probably wouldn’t be able to have kids, or at least not without some serious medical intervention. I hadn’t realized that my husband, who very much wants kids, has also listened to my “I can’t have kids probably” talk one too many times, and has resigned to be ok with us not being able to have our own children.

Last week, I went for these fertility tests they call “Day 3” testing. They tests certain hormone levels to see how fertile you are, generally as the first tests towards doing IVF or egg freezing. I was shocked to find out my levels are all normal. At least according to these basic tests, I should be able to get pregnant. This is good (and surprising) news. Given that my cycle has magically regulated in the last year (I have always in the back of my mind thought my body would let me have kids when I was READY to have kids. I know that’s not how it works but maybe it kind of is for me) maybe I can have kids naturally. Continue reading


It Takes $450,000 to Be Middle Class in the Bay Area

The other day I was having a debate with one of my blog readers about the definition of Middle Class. We were both trying to sort out what the income requirement was to be “middle class” in the Bay Area or any region of the country. I came up with a pretty simple equation…

Middle Class, to me, equals being able to afford a modest house for a family (3br, 2ba) in a reasonably good neighborhood within one hour of where you work (i.e. a suburb of a major city.) Based on various estimates you should spend about 25% of your AFTER TAX income on your monthly home payment. Thus, in order to determine what it takes to be middle class in any region, we can look at what homes cost in that region, and base our definition on that. Continue reading


What they don’t tell you in sex ed about getting pregnant…

Based on my sexual education classes in school, my understanding was that should I so much as stand too close to a man’s nether bits I could get pregnant. The class was clearly designed to ensure we don’t get pregnant, not that we do.  At about the same time I was diagnosed with PCOS due to not ever getting my period and told to take birth control and “just get pregnant before you are 30.” I was 15 at the time.

Now that I actually want to reproduce I’ve learned quite a bit more about how the birds and the bees actually work. To start, you really can’t get pregnant most of the time. That was a major shocker to me since in school they taught us that you could get pregnant always. Which, granted, is true if you have a crazy ovulation problem and your body is doing things that aren’t normal. And, you can definitely get pregnant for a few days leading up to when you ovulate and there is no guaranteed test that shows you have or haven’t ovulated — so you might mess up one month and poof you’re preggo. Leggo my preggo. Continue reading

Why Aren’t There More Female Senior Managers?

Continuing on my last post about why will never become a vice president, I’ve been thinking a lot about all these articles about gender equality in the workplace. The findings show that the higher in the organization, the more male it becomes – and, most shockingly, this starts with the first promotion when men are more likely to be promoted to manager than women.

The report assumes women WANT to be senior leaders (or that we should want to be senior leaders.) Who really wants to be a senior leader? There are two reasons you would want to become an executive – money and power. You can make money without being a senior executive – definitely not as much money – but you can make enough to have a happy and satisfying life lower in the organization. Since men tend to make more money anyway, women have the option to marry someone who is making a lot and have other ways to have that lifestyle anyway (*I did not go this route as I marry a man who makes less than50% of what I earn today.) If you don’t desire a high income and you don’t want power, then why WOULD you want to be a C-level executive? Continue reading

I Could Be a VP and Why I Never Will Become One

I am at the point in my career where I know the exact traits and skills required to climb the corporate ladder. And, despite seeing a clear path to the top, I’ve looked down to see I have no feet and I don’t have the strength or energy to continue climbing upwards. I look back down at the steep hill of my 20’s behind me and feel my legs buckle beneath me as I slowly slip and begin to roll back down the hill. I’m scared and sad and partially so excited to jump fall all the way down and lie there at the bottom in a pile of my own failure, staring up at this giant hill I once climbed, seeing my feet appear on my ankles again and, for the first time in years, I can stand without feeling myself falling.

Here is what it takes to become a Vice President in my field, and why I’ll never be one: Continue reading


The Solo Chef: $4 Dinner for One – Chicken Pappardelle

After spending $2500 on food last month with Mr. HECC I’m on a mission to cut my food budget in half. I’ll be documenting recipes I make for myself since Mr. HECC follows a specific diet and has his meals delivered, leaving me to be cooking for one. Cooking solo is tough because it’s so easy to waste food. I’m seeking out simple, easy meals that allow you to buy the right serving size for a meal fresh so that nothing goes wasted.

My goals:

Breakfast: $1.50 / meal (~250 calories)
Lunch: $3.00 / meal (~350 calories)
Dinner: $4.50 / meal (~600 calories)

Tonight’s $5 Dinner is Chicken Pappardelle Continue reading

PCOS Women: Avoiding BPA – is it possible?

BPA (bisphenol-A) – a synthetic estrogen used to harden polycarbonate plastics and epoxy resin – is a troubling element of most plastics that we use on a daily basis. It is proven to be an endocrine disrupter, which is especially worrisome for women who are trying to get pregnant, especially those of us with PCOS.

BPA-Endocrine Disorder (source):

  1. Reduces the number of oocytes (cell in ovary that may undergo meiotic division to form an ovum)
  2. Lowers successful number of births
  3. Changes gene expression
  4. Reduces the function of Estrogen Receptor Beta
  5. Negatively affects mitochondrial function
  6. Alters hypothalamic pituitary / increases testosterone
  7. Lowers progesterone
  8. alters GnRH secretion
  9. Increases glucocorticoids
  10. heightens response to stress, elevates levels of anxiety

Continue reading

Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On Facebook