Life is good right now, so why can’t I let myself enjoy it? I have a new job, a new apartment with my not-so-new boyfriend, I’m moving up in the world, I’m excited about all the opportunities on the table, and yet I can’t just pause to relax and enjoy the present. I can’t take a week to just stop and reset. Instead, I feel like I have to close a thousand loose ends at my old company. At some point I guess I just need to walk away. But that’s hard for me. I know any projects I leave unfinished will remain that way. I like completion.
So how do I stop being so damn anxious all the time and just learn to enjoy life? It goes by fast and I’m watching it blur before my eyes. I want to take two weeks to go on a road trip and not have to worry about work or think about work projects, but unfortunately that won’t be possible as I start my new job pretty much right away. I don’t know when the next time I’ll have any real time off between projects will be. Probably when (if) I have a kid, and that certainly won’t be time to hit the road and drive to anywhere. This is it. This is really my 30s. This is feeling all the opportunity in the world as a pressure pushing down on me, trapping me, yet allowing me to fly. Continue reading
I’m the type of person who avoids going to the doctor like the plague until I already have the worst case of the plague. But after having ongoing spells — fits of strange feelings of sudden sadness, deja vu, a surreal feeling and metallic taste in mouth lasting about 30 seconds to a minute, et al — I felt concerned. I assumed it was just a panic attack, but after doing a quick google search and finding that my strange seemingly disparate symptoms actually were all descriptive of temporal lobe seizures. That got me to a doctor.
Well, actually I went in for a physical and mentioned my symptoms. The doctor seemed concerned as well and referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist, who happens to be a specialist in epilepsy (that’s what you get living near world-renowned hospitals/universities) actually didn’t think I was crazy either. I was pretty sure she’d take one look at me and say – girl, you have mild migraines — take some tylenol — or you clearly are having panic attack, here is some xanax and have a nice day.
Wouldn’t it be nice if spending $400 per month more than I wanted to on an apartment would guarantee that the place would be ours? Yes, our 700-square-foot one bedroom, should we secure the affinity of our potential landlord, will be $2200 per month. Not even the commitment to pay that much for a relatively small (and outdated) place gets us immediate confirmation.
At least we have good credit scores. I ran mine again (*expletive* Experian for being the most scammy spammy company around) and I’m at 738. My boyfriend has a crazy good credit score over 760. I messed mine up with one or two late credit card payments in the past, but this was very clearly me forgetting the date to pay and not long-term collections type issues. However, the landlord seemed a little nervous when I told her I was changing jobs and going to work for a “startup.” I quickly responded “don’t worry, they’ve raised a lot of money. And we have enough in the bank to pay for a year of rent even if for some reason we ever did lose our jobs. Come on, how could you turn us down? Continue reading
My boyfriend and I are terrible - terrible - at making decisions. He’s so terrible at making decisions at 31 he has never left his house and after eight years of dating we’ve never moved in together. I’m slightly less terrible at making decisions, but I am not anywhere near good at making them either.
So finding an apartment is an extremely difficult #firstworldproblems challenge. We’ve seen over 40 apartments and every one is not up to my standard of living, especially for the price they charge! I always thought if I decided to move to San Francisco I’d be ok with paying an exorbitant amount for rent, but it feels wrong to pay so much to live in the burbs. I don’t care how great the town is.
Today, I decided to stop being quite so stingy. I agreed to split rent with my boyfriend based on our income. If we spend 13% of our current income, he would pay around $850 and I would pay up to $1350. That means our maximum monthly rent is $2200, not $1700 like I was originally aiming for when I wanted to do a 50/50 split. That also makes this search process slightly less painful.
I’d still prefer to spend less than $1200 a month in rent, and I’m ok with paying that much while he covers $850. It’s fair given our different income levels and either I need to be ok with paying more for our lives and deal or I need to seriously consider getting a new boyfriend. As I love him and want to marry him, I’m going with the first option. Continue reading